To: The Training Department
From: The Managing Director
Subject: My Guidelines for all New Managers
It has come to my attention that staff being promoted into a managerial position in this organisation would benefit from some positive guidance on how to be a manager here. Please ensure the following ten points, which I use to great effect, are communicated to all newly promoted managers at their induction training.
1. NEVER recognise your team members for their excellent work. Take all the credit yourself (that's what I do - so follow my lead!).
2. Have favourites and make sure you treat these people differently to your not-so-favourites (see my comment in 1. above).
3. Don’t worry about being positive and encouraging – your people should be able to motivate themselves
4. Listen to people… but never change your mind. I want decisive managers working for me.
5. Or better still… just don’t listen - unless it is me you are listening to. Too much information from the troops will only confuse you.
6. It’s OK to lie when your team ask you questions. Its not OK to lie to me.
7. Keep your people in the dark when change is happening. They don't need to know what we are up to, it will only worry them.
8. Keep a very close watch on everyone all of the time. Just because they’ve been doing the job well for many years doesn’t mean they are trustworthy and reliable.
9. A clear understanding of the challenges your people face is not necessary. Let them struggle - it's character building.
10. Keep your staff happy by telling them they will get some training next year… this will keep our training budget safe because next year never comes and they will probably move on before we have to train them!